Have you ever been asked this question, point blank? Have you ever answered it with equal frankness? I think that in any culture—not just in Utah—people easily fall into the expectations and demands of others. And that’s not always a bad thing. Selfless acts are important. Conforming to society to some extent is a necessary part of the human condition.
But ultimately, shouldn’t we at least ask this question of ourselves? In my opinion, the question is more important than the answer, which may shift depending on our circumstances.
In the last couple of months, a coworker and I compiled a list of things we’d each like to do before we die. My list, in part, contained the following: Climb King’s Peak and Lone Peak, run a half marathon, rent a beach house for one month, and write a collection of short stories.
But what do I want to do before I die is a bit different than what I want most out of life. Setting aside what everyone else might want from me, what do I want for myself? Here is the answer:
- To continue academic involvement, whether teaching classes, taking classes, attending conferences, or writing on my own time
- To enable Kevin to be very happy in life, including career, home life, and personal development
- To decide on my own terms when or whether I become a mother
- To maintain long-term, fulfilling, peaceful, and mutually-beneficial friendships
- To increase my connection to Nature and develop my own personal spirituality
What about you? I’d love to know if you’re willing to share it.
14 comments:
Alisa, this doesn't directly answer your question, but how would you like to do the Hobble Creek half marathon with me this August 23? It's a lot of downhill.
If we want to do it, we need to be ready to register by May 1. I would like to do it, but it would be so much more fun if I had someone to run with.
http://www.sojournersrunningclub.com/sponsored/hobble/
That's a tough one, 'lis.
It feels strange to answer such a big question off the top of my head, but since that's the only way I answer anything lately, here's my attempt:
- To be free of anxieties and haunting triggers (to be at peace, then, I guess) Do you really have to be dead to be at peace? Hmm.
- To see my boys grow up to be happy and secure in themselves and in God.
- To enable Dan to fulfill his dreams of inventing.
- To work on my perceived personality weaknesses or get out of my box from time to time.
- To feel satisfied with what I've done with my talents.
What a great introspective post. I will have to get back to you on your questions, but I think it is great that you have posed them, and have answered them for yourself. Very "Eat Pray Love" of you. :)
Lot of good thoughts! While I'm good at listing what I want to do before I die, I don't know if I can summarize what I want most out of life. Quite frankly, I should know this before I make any other to-do list.
Well now I have to think. (sigh)
Alisa,
This is a great post. It does require a lot of thought to come to a genuine answer.
Just my first impressions, though.
1. Have healthy and meaningful relationships with of my husband and children while helping them achieve their goals.
2. Enhance the quality of life of members of the bleeding disorders community and contribute to the search for a cure for Hemophilia.
3. Record the lives of my family through writing, photography, and videography.
4. Be a resource for my friends and extended family to turn to for emotional support.
5. To continually learn from those around me and obtain an advanced degree (or two).
(lastly, on the more selfish side)
6. I want to have a summer house somewhere up North, where it's cool.
Thanks for making me think about this, Alisa. I really like the part about nature. Someday when I get out more, I'll include that as well.
Also:
I know you've sworn off the bloggernacle, but I just became a permablogger at Exponent II and posted last week on the Path of Least Resistance. You are welcome to read it and comment if you'd like.
Thanks for inviting me to comment here. I love your writing.
I understand it's a hard question.
Matt, I think that's a great idea!
Tiff, I liked your item about peace.
Christina, I wanted to ask you, how are you liking that book?
Rachel, I know what you mean. Fortunately, I think that my to-do list actually fits with my other list.
Jess, that's a great list. Can you send me the link to Exponent II? I'll definitely read your post, and congrats on being a permablogger! The Bloggernacle will be a better place with you!
As many other people have noted, It's hard to think of something so personal so quickly. It's interesting that some of my wants are similar to others. Briefly thinking about it now, I would like to overcome some of my personal weaknesses. Sometimes I feel like I have a major character flaw and no matter what I do, all my problems are linked to it.
I'd like to develop more deep and meaningful relationships with loved ones. I'd like to use my time wisely, and do the best I can. I'd like to have perfect faith, and help my children learn about God and the love he has for all of his children. I would like to help Mike in his righteous goals. And more selfishly, I'd like to feel loved in every way. Another question is, what will we do with the life we are given, with the precious time we have? I hope I don't squander it away in meaningless activities and selfish acts. I want to live this life, so that I will have the best life in the next, which is for eternity.
I'm glad that you are figuring this out for yourself. It's amazing how many people have no idea what they want out of life and are just kind of floating along.
As for me, I guess what I want most out of life is to be happy. I've got shorter term goals and long term goals, but all of them seem to boil down to one things: I just want to be happy.
Good luck on your quest!
I'd like to contribute something to the world beyond my own little sphere, although I'm not sure how or what the cause will be.
Hmmm. I don't know. Very hard question for me, because I don't think I can separate my dreams of what I want to do before I die from what I want out of life. :) So maybe these don't really count as the right list.
Finish my PhD successfully and fulfil my dream of teaching university.
Learn to be truly happy and accept myself for who I am, not for who I wish I’d been.
Find roots! Find some place to settle down forever, where I’ll never feel a need to move again, only to travel.
Visit Antarctica, Africa, Australia, Alaska, and the Canadian Territories. Maybe Machu Pichu as well.
Drive the Trans-Canada highway one end to the other.
Run a full marathon.
Shell, I admire you want to overcome weaknesses. I tend to think that we're sort of born with issues, then we spend our whole life working them out. I guess I think that's part of the big scheme. Although being successful at working them out is certainly a worthy goal.
Tracy, I think that's a great thing. In my way of defining things, I always think of happiness as loftier than satisfaction.
Kevin, it's good to see you commenting! I think having that lasting impact would be on a lot of people's lists. Something to make it so they don't disappear and so something worth remembering.
Heids, I think those are good to-do things. I will be interested how you end up on the "roots" thing. I know part of you enjoys being a nomad and having so many homes, but I can see the desire for settling down.
I have been thinking a lot about this. My reply is much to long to post here. And probably more than most people want to read. But I posted it on my blog at http://aspotofsun.blogspot.com/2008/02/percentages-and-desires.html if you care to read it.
I love you, and hope you get what you want. I hope we all do!
For Brooke: https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=5546900054794078336&postID=6780948811165481942&page=1
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