Why I Wake Early

Motherhood is like yoga or poetry in that it takes all of the awareness you have and puts it in the present moment. When I feed the baby in the morning, I've been reading from this collection of poems by Mary Oliver that makes me think about the present moment in beautiful ways. As I feed him, I look at his little eyes, nose, ears, and mouth and compare them to those tiny, tiny hands of his. There's mystery and wonder there. And the title of the collection, Why I Wake Early, certainly fits the occasion!

Hello, Sun in my face.
Hello, you who made the morning
and spread it over the fields and
into the faces of tulips
and the nodding morning glories
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crotchety-

best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light-
good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.

- Mary Oliver

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to my two favorite guys who make up my whole world. And to all my wonderful, supportive friends out there. I love you.

A Birth Poem

Twelve days ago, I gave birth. As I labored in the hospital, I was aware that I would be missing my dear old friend’s great big birthday bash that night. Diagnosed eight months ago with neuro-endocrine cancer, my friend recently learned she probably has less than six months to live. Deciding not to wait for her birthday later on in the year, a huge party was organized in her honor.

While I am overflowing with joy at the birth of my son, and the birth of my motherhood, I hardly know how to begin to say goodbye to someone who has always been there with me, through nursery, primary, junior high and high school, boyfriends, weddings, and more. I am struck by how seemingly polar opposites can hit our lives at the same time.

The Trimurti

I wore a necklace throughout my pregnancy
A trinity charm, swirled into one
Creator, Sustainer, and Purger

For all three sometimes come at once
And they often do at a birth, I suppose.
I crouch upward—breathing, pushing, exhaling
With all I have and more, then sink back,
Eyes shut, catching my breath
All of the moment in my heart.

I smile then—truly
Because I know nothing but love and intensity
For this baby boy

While I lay there
Another birthday is celebrated—
Really, it isn’t exactly her birthday
But if you had less than six months
You’d celebrate early too

Thirty years, her last milestone.
Shiva, do you know you take a mother of five babes?
What do you want to purge? I dare not ask why.

The Creator smiled on us that day twenty years ago
She and I sat over our cross-stitch, two merry misses
When Mother called from two houses down
To witness a birth
My calico calm, near serene, purred her kitten into life
With her hypnotic humming

And I, struggling to do things right
Hastened to tie the thin, red thread around the chord,
When he began to chirp, hardly a mew.

The Sustainer is come to stop time.
I never watch the ticking clock
And beheld with ecstatic surprise,
When they place his warm, slippery body on my chest.
And the weather is so mild

February forgot its season
At my back door a crocus pushes its tender leaves upward
Childhood is not unlike motherhood: gently aware of only now

Motherhood is not unlike the yoke
Of rainbow connections and pulsing sensations
I love, I feel, I know, I heal
As we vibrate to the lullaby
I sing in the key of present tense

Favorite Fan Pics

From his #1 fan, here are some favorite pics from the last few days:

Getting ready for first outing. To the midwife's! Yea!

All tuckered out after a visit from the sandman.

"I are serious baby."

Nothing like a little fetal position curl on Aunt Stina.

Pregnancy Book Reviews

Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy by Mayo Clinic


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
By far the best pregnancy book out there. Much better than the most popular pregnancy book, which I borrowed and read a couple of years ago (you know which one I mean). First thing, this is a resource with academic credentials written by 2 OBs and 1 CNM and endorsed by the Mayo Clinic, v. the "mom" credentials of the other book where the author has no academic credentials. The differences go on from there.

Each month is broken out by explaining what is happening to baby and what's happening to mom. There are checklists and signs of when to address certain issues with your health care provider. The next sections deal with labor, delivery, and all sorts of information about your newborn. There are also important decision-making guides such as choosing yours or your baby's health care providers, managing pain during childbirth, circumcision, etc. A great glossary and index as well. Can't say enough positive things about this resource, which I'm still using almost daily.

View all my reviews >>

HypnoBirthing: The Mongan Method: A natural approach to a safe, easier, more comfortable birthing by Marie F. Mongan


My rating: 3 of 5 stars
While I'd only give the book 3 stars, I'd give the method 4 or 5. The book shouldn't stand alone and should be supplemented by the class and daily practice. The book itself is not very well written or professional. It's a little dogmatic and vague about techniques. Also, I don't like how there are different chapters on breathing, relaxation, and visualization. Instead, I wish these chapters were organized by techniques to be used in different phases of labor so you'd have all the breathing, relaxation, and visualization techniques for active labor combined in one chapter. This would make sense because this is how they are used together anyway.

As far as HypnoBirthing in general goes, let me first say that this method requires a lot of dedication. Not all moms have the time or energy to devote an hour or more each day to the affirmations, relaxation sessions, birth companion rehearsals, or classes that this method requires for at least the last 2 months of pregnancy. I have no problems with a traditional medical birth, but I thought that hypnosis would benefit me in other ways, and if a pain-free, medicine-free birth is an actual valid option, I was willing to invest in the program. Besides, all the CNMs in my clinic said that they thought HypnoBirthing was by far the most effective way of going unmedicated.

I experienced firsthand that hypnosis does relieve sharp, intense pain during contractions. When I was in the hospital and in deep hypnosis while listening to one of the CDs, it appeared as if I were asleep or as if my contractions had ceased altogether. This wasn't the case - I was perfectly relaxed and only barely able to detect when I was having a contraction. When I had to become fully alert to make some decisions about some unforeseen circumstances in my labor, I was able to again feel the full force of these contractions - which was almost too intense to bear. So yes, hypnosis can definitely work if one is allowed to stay in a deep state of relaxation. It's when you're not in that deep state that pain is a lot harder to manage.

Because of some unforeseen medical circumstances, my labor had to be artificially progressed with pitocin and I was given a "walking" epidural that didn't work on the left side. This put me in the 30% of HypnoMoms who needed some form of medical pain management (versus the 95% of regular moms who use medical pain management). Because I could still feel sharp pain in the left side after the epidural, the HypnoBirthing techniques continued to be useful throughout the medicated part of my labor. The epidural also completely wore off for the last hour of pushing, which necessitated me to use the techniques I had learned to birth my baby without pain or any significant tearing.

My labor was 26 hours. I feel that for most births that proceed according to plan and progress more naturally, HypnoBirthing would be even more effective. Despite my 14 hours of unmedicated labor followed by 10 hours of partially-medicated labor, followed by 2 hours of pushing, I feel very satisfied with how things went. HypnoBirthing had prepared me to calmly meet any circumstances that were medically necessary that fell outside my birth plan. What's more, the daily practice was immensely useful duing my last few months of pregnancy. I never cried or became overwhelmed like many full-term moms are, which I attribute to daily unwinding to a self-hypnosis/relaxation CD. In addition, my baby is quietly alert and calm, a mark common to babies whose moms used HypnoBirthing.

I think women should have the right to choose what works best for them. I'm not dogmatic about unmedicated labor, but I know it works for people who put in the time and dedication. It's great to have options.

View all my reviews >>

Greetings

This afternoon I stepped out on the back porch and was greeted by:

• Very mild temperatures
• Warm, bright sunlight
• Two attention-hungry kitties
• Tiny little crocus stems

All within 12 inches of where I sat. I stayed out there for a few minutes, snuggling my kitties. When I returned back into the house, I was greeted by a very quietly alert baby.

Heaven.

They said this section of the GRE wouldn't be directly applicable

But they were wrong.

For my GRE, there was an analytical section that was my best section of the test. You'd get fun story problems to solve, little riddles. Kevin had the same on his LSATs. I actually always loved this stuff. So who knew this would ever come in handy and apply to my life at the point where I'm most overwhelmed, tired, and not up for it? Here's the problem:

Patient Z is a first-time mom who was discharged from the hospital this week. Each new mom is prescribed a number of standard medications, but Patient Z has a couple of additional conditions requiring more medications than usual (anemia and mastitis). Help her figure out a schedule for her medications, food, and best sleeping time slots.

• Med A: Take 3 times a day with food and water every 8 hours.
• Med B: Take 2 times a day, morning and night.
• Med C: Take once a day at a meal.
• Med D: Take 2 times a day 2 hours after and 1 hour before any dairy, eggs, or whole grains are consumed, and at least 30 minutes before laying down or sleeping, and should be taken several hours before or after Med C, which contains some of Med D in smaller quantities.
Take 2 doses as far apart from each other as possible.
• Med E: Take 4-6 times a day as needed at least 4 hours apart (and take evenly spaced from each other), best with food and water (Patient Z decides to only take 3 times a day).
• Med F: Take 4 times a day 2 hours after and 1 hour before any food and cannot be taken with Med D. Doses should be taken evenly spaced from each other.

Patient Z is also recommended to try to sleep as much as she can during both the day and the night and take her medications during the 16-hour daytime block as opposed to the full 24-hour period. She is also told to eat every 2 hours if possible, day and night, and she prefers to eat whole grains and dairy whenever she can, particularly at breakfast.

After one night of me breaking down with how overwhelming my medication schedule was, Kevin took this to task using his new Excel skills from his MPA classes and he's figured it out to our satisfaction. Can you? I'm off to sleep some more.

Four days old, How do you like the world so far?

Sweet Little Baby, four days old

How do you like the world so far?

Sweet Little Baby, four days old

What a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky boy you are

Not every baby is lucky enough to have one of the Tabernacle Choir's former stars come and sing him his happy four-day-old song, but this is one lucky boy!

Welcome, Baby Asher. I am overcome with joy to be your mom.

And a note to my friend Jen - don't worry, I won't overdo the song for him (playing it at every birthday until he's 30, and so on). :)

New Arrival

Now I can say I know what euphoria feels like.