Poll: Baby's Blog Name

Baby and I are back from California, and I'll post pictures soon. We had a wonderful time with old and new friends discussing spirituality, feminism, and food. I ate vegetarian four days straight, but never missed meat. If I could have my friends cook for me all the time, I'd even go vegetarian. And - I even lost weight!

It was wonderful to have so many loving arms around the baby, but travelling with him solo was an adventure (let's just say they don't put diaper changing stations in airplane bathrooms).

In the meantime before I post picutres, I've decided to use an alias for Baby on the blog for safety. So I'd like to get input from you. For a few days, I have a poll up in the top right corner. I've decided I want it to start with the letter A and I like names that are more literary or Biblical. So there you go!

Gethsemane

The grass never sleeps.
Or the roses.
Nor does the lily have a secret eye that shuts until morning.
Jesus said, wait with me. But the disciples slept.
The cricket has such splendid fringe on its feet,
and it sings, have you noticed, with its whole body,
and heaven knows if it ever sleeps.
Jesus said, wait with me. And maybe the stars did, maybe
the wind wound itself into a silver tree, and didn't move,
maybe,
the lake far away, where once he walked as on a
blue pavement,
lay still and waited, wild awake.
Oh the dear bodies, slumped and eye-shut, that could not
keep that vigil, how they must have wept,
so utterly human, knowing this too
must be a part of the story.

- Mary Oliver

March Book Review

Olive Kitteridge: A Novel in Stories by Elizabeth Strout


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
A novel in short stories surrounding the residents of Crosby, Maine, and more specifically, Olive Kitteridge. The literariness of the novel (the themes, symbols, and characters) appeal to the nerdy side of me and makes me love novels like this.

After the first story, I was pretty disappointed that Olive's character was the focal point of the rest of the novel. But with eash subsequent story, the depth of her character hooked me in. She's not the kind of person I would want for a friend or a mother, but maybe someone I'd like to go to church with or have as a teacher. The cover describes the narrative as "deeply empathetic," which is a great way of describing my experience. To see Olive through so many people's eyes, including her own at various stages of life, is to learn to understand someone who I would have judged (and did judge) harshly on the surface.

Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls


My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Fun novel about the life of a spunky woman raised in the harshness of the American Southwest. Enjoyed the voice of the novel especially. It's not often there's such an unapologetically strong female voice, and because I'm in love with the region she spends most of her life in, I felt a closeness to her trials and successes.

The Piano Tuner by Daniel Mason


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This was a surprisingly captivating novel about a piano tuner from Victorian England who has been sent to tune a piano deep in the jungles of Burma that belongs to an infamous army doctor. I enjoyed the way it was written and loved the characters. I'm a little disappointed in the ending and almost gave it 4 stars because of it, but I loved the rest of the novel enough. Part Victorian detective story, part Heart of Darkness, and part romance.

View all my reviews >>

So Bright

Sometimes it's a little too bright in the morning.

Where'd All the Good People Go?

In order to get back into a routine, I've begun listening to NPR to keep me informed of what's going on in the outside world. But this story on where reality TV can take us really has me thinking about what we're doing by feeding this genre.

Here's the setting of a psychological experiment based on reality TV:

The fictitious game show had all the trappings of a real TV quiz show, including a beautiful and well-known hostess, and a raucous audience. A group of contestants posed questions to a man sitting inside a box in front of them in an electric chair.

The hostess and a chanting audience urged the players — who had levers in front of them — to send jolts of electricity into the man in the box when he gave an incorrect answer.

Even when the player screamed out in pain for them to stop, 80 percent of the contestants kept zapping him. In reality, the man in the electric chair was an actor who wasn't really being shocked — but the players and the audience did not know that.

Remember those 1960's experiments on authority with electric shocks? This was basically the same thing, but with the added pressure of television. Eventually, the man in the electric chair slumped over "dead," while the hostess tells the contestant, "You won!" That really disturbs me.

And just like the 1960's experiments, the participants were later horrified by what they had done:

"I wanted to stop the whole time, but I just couldn't. I didn't have the will to do it. And that goes against my nature," he said. "I haven't really figured out why I did it."

It's revealed something terrible in our psyche. Maybe we think we would have acted differently. However, the story shows that many of us still participate in behavior similarly related to this. And that's reality television.

The documentary makers say reality television relies increasingly on violent, humiliating and cruel acts to boost ratings. They say they simply wanted to see if we would go so far as to kill someone for entertainment.

You all know I'm not a big fan of TV in general because of the time it entails. Now thinking hard about this has really turned me against reality TV. Why do we support this genre by watching? To witness the worst in human nature: the backstabbing, the gossipping, the lying, the humiliation. Think of it: Simon slamming an American Idol wannabe; Trump dictating, "You're Fired"; people eating live bugs on Fear Factor. Is this really enriching us? Entertainment should boost our energy. The kind of boost brought on by witnessing the worst in human nature can hardly be good karma.

Unfortunately, life imitates art. Not only will TV reflect the worst in us and magnify it, but we as a society will learn to imitate those behaviors modeled on TV. Is this the kind of world we'd like to make for our children? Can't we do any better for them?

Where'd all the good people go?
I've been changing channels
I don't see them on the TV shows
Where'd all the good people go?
We got heaps and heaps of what we sow

- Jack Johnson, "Good People"

Heralds of Spring

Here are the crocuses by my back door that began to emerge six weeks ago, coinciding with the baby's birth. There's something magical about these first heralds of spring. They have a fragility in their petals. I wouldn't dream of picking them because they are so short and tender. Yet year after year they appear and withstand the lingering freeze and final snow storms of winter, bursting in bold color.

I hope I always live where there are crocuses.

Six Week Smiles

I can't believe he's already six weeks old. I can't say enough about how wonderful it is to have both me and Kevin home right now to be a little family of three, especially now that I have the energy to do some regular activities. I haven't been blogging much because I'd rather be spending time with the baby. Can you blame me?

Here's a video I just took of the little guy while I was burping him. Just a warning: if watching videos of parents falling all over how adorable their kids are isn't appealing to you, don't watch it. I think everything he does seems exceptional to me mostly because babies come in with such low expectations - they can hardly keep their eyes open. So by now when he starts smiling on cue, it just melts my heart. Personally, I like this best on mute.

Secretly, joyfully, clearly

Time has been more suspended lately, like being mesmerized by a song. All is going well, and here are a few more Mary Oliver lines and pictures of my favorite little one.

Oh, to love what is lovely, and will not last!
What a task
to ask

of anything, or anyone

yet it is ours
and not by the century or the year, but by the hours.

- from "Snow Geese"

Oh Lord, how shining and festive is your gift to us, if we only look, and see.

- from "Look and See"

I have never
seen them again.

Maybe I will, someday, somewhere.
Maybe I won't.
It does not matter.
What matters is that, when I saw them,
I saw them
as through the veil, secretly, joyfully, clearly

- from "Snow Geese"

It's like a schoolhouse
of little words,
thousands of words.
First you figure out what each one means by itself,
The jingle, the periwinkle, the scallop
full of moonlight.

Then you begin slowly, to read the whole story.

- from "Breakage"

Why I Wake Early

Motherhood is like yoga or poetry in that it takes all of the awareness you have and puts it in the present moment. When I feed the baby in the morning, I've been reading from this collection of poems by Mary Oliver that makes me think about the present moment in beautiful ways. As I feed him, I look at his little eyes, nose, ears, and mouth and compare them to those tiny, tiny hands of his. There's mystery and wonder there. And the title of the collection, Why I Wake Early, certainly fits the occasion!

Hello, Sun in my face.
Hello, you who made the morning
and spread it over the fields and
into the faces of tulips
and the nodding morning glories
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crotchety-

best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light-
good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.

- Mary Oliver

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to my two favorite guys who make up my whole world. And to all my wonderful, supportive friends out there. I love you.

A Birth Poem

Twelve days ago, I gave birth. As I labored in the hospital, I was aware that I would be missing my dear old friend’s great big birthday bash that night. Diagnosed eight months ago with neuro-endocrine cancer, my friend recently learned she probably has less than six months to live. Deciding not to wait for her birthday later on in the year, a huge party was organized in her honor.

While I am overflowing with joy at the birth of my son, and the birth of my motherhood, I hardly know how to begin to say goodbye to someone who has always been there with me, through nursery, primary, junior high and high school, boyfriends, weddings, and more. I am struck by how seemingly polar opposites can hit our lives at the same time.

The Trimurti

I wore a necklace throughout my pregnancy
A trinity charm, swirled into one
Creator, Sustainer, and Purger

For all three sometimes come at once
And they often do at a birth, I suppose.
I crouch upward—breathing, pushing, exhaling
With all I have and more, then sink back,
Eyes shut, catching my breath
All of the moment in my heart.

I smile then—truly
Because I know nothing but love and intensity
For this baby boy

While I lay there
Another birthday is celebrated—
Really, it isn’t exactly her birthday
But if you had less than six months
You’d celebrate early too

Thirty years, her last milestone.
Shiva, do you know you take a mother of five babes?
What do you want to purge? I dare not ask why.

The Creator smiled on us that day twenty years ago
She and I sat over our cross-stitch, two merry misses
When Mother called from two houses down
To witness a birth
My calico calm, near serene, purred her kitten into life
With her hypnotic humming

And I, struggling to do things right
Hastened to tie the thin, red thread around the chord,
When he began to chirp, hardly a mew.

The Sustainer is come to stop time.
I never watch the ticking clock
And beheld with ecstatic surprise,
When they place his warm, slippery body on my chest.
And the weather is so mild

February forgot its season
At my back door a crocus pushes its tender leaves upward
Childhood is not unlike motherhood: gently aware of only now

Motherhood is not unlike the yoke
Of rainbow connections and pulsing sensations
I love, I feel, I know, I heal
As we vibrate to the lullaby
I sing in the key of present tense

Favorite Fan Pics

From his #1 fan, here are some favorite pics from the last few days:

Getting ready for first outing. To the midwife's! Yea!

All tuckered out after a visit from the sandman.

"I are serious baby."

Nothing like a little fetal position curl on Aunt Stina.

Pregnancy Book Reviews

Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy by Mayo Clinic


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
By far the best pregnancy book out there. Much better than the most popular pregnancy book, which I borrowed and read a couple of years ago (you know which one I mean). First thing, this is a resource with academic credentials written by 2 OBs and 1 CNM and endorsed by the Mayo Clinic, v. the "mom" credentials of the other book where the author has no academic credentials. The differences go on from there.

Each month is broken out by explaining what is happening to baby and what's happening to mom. There are checklists and signs of when to address certain issues with your health care provider. The next sections deal with labor, delivery, and all sorts of information about your newborn. There are also important decision-making guides such as choosing yours or your baby's health care providers, managing pain during childbirth, circumcision, etc. A great glossary and index as well. Can't say enough positive things about this resource, which I'm still using almost daily.

View all my reviews >>

HypnoBirthing: The Mongan Method: A natural approach to a safe, easier, more comfortable birthing by Marie F. Mongan


My rating: 3 of 5 stars
While I'd only give the book 3 stars, I'd give the method 4 or 5. The book shouldn't stand alone and should be supplemented by the class and daily practice. The book itself is not very well written or professional. It's a little dogmatic and vague about techniques. Also, I don't like how there are different chapters on breathing, relaxation, and visualization. Instead, I wish these chapters were organized by techniques to be used in different phases of labor so you'd have all the breathing, relaxation, and visualization techniques for active labor combined in one chapter. This would make sense because this is how they are used together anyway.

As far as HypnoBirthing in general goes, let me first say that this method requires a lot of dedication. Not all moms have the time or energy to devote an hour or more each day to the affirmations, relaxation sessions, birth companion rehearsals, or classes that this method requires for at least the last 2 months of pregnancy. I have no problems with a traditional medical birth, but I thought that hypnosis would benefit me in other ways, and if a pain-free, medicine-free birth is an actual valid option, I was willing to invest in the program. Besides, all the CNMs in my clinic said that they thought HypnoBirthing was by far the most effective way of going unmedicated.

I experienced firsthand that hypnosis does relieve sharp, intense pain during contractions. When I was in the hospital and in deep hypnosis while listening to one of the CDs, it appeared as if I were asleep or as if my contractions had ceased altogether. This wasn't the case - I was perfectly relaxed and only barely able to detect when I was having a contraction. When I had to become fully alert to make some decisions about some unforeseen circumstances in my labor, I was able to again feel the full force of these contractions - which was almost too intense to bear. So yes, hypnosis can definitely work if one is allowed to stay in a deep state of relaxation. It's when you're not in that deep state that pain is a lot harder to manage.

Because of some unforeseen medical circumstances, my labor had to be artificially progressed with pitocin and I was given a "walking" epidural that didn't work on the left side. This put me in the 30% of HypnoMoms who needed some form of medical pain management (versus the 95% of regular moms who use medical pain management). Because I could still feel sharp pain in the left side after the epidural, the HypnoBirthing techniques continued to be useful throughout the medicated part of my labor. The epidural also completely wore off for the last hour of pushing, which necessitated me to use the techniques I had learned to birth my baby without pain or any significant tearing.

My labor was 26 hours. I feel that for most births that proceed according to plan and progress more naturally, HypnoBirthing would be even more effective. Despite my 14 hours of unmedicated labor followed by 10 hours of partially-medicated labor, followed by 2 hours of pushing, I feel very satisfied with how things went. HypnoBirthing had prepared me to calmly meet any circumstances that were medically necessary that fell outside my birth plan. What's more, the daily practice was immensely useful duing my last few months of pregnancy. I never cried or became overwhelmed like many full-term moms are, which I attribute to daily unwinding to a self-hypnosis/relaxation CD. In addition, my baby is quietly alert and calm, a mark common to babies whose moms used HypnoBirthing.

I think women should have the right to choose what works best for them. I'm not dogmatic about unmedicated labor, but I know it works for people who put in the time and dedication. It's great to have options.

View all my reviews >>

Greetings

This afternoon I stepped out on the back porch and was greeted by:

• Very mild temperatures
• Warm, bright sunlight
• Two attention-hungry kitties
• Tiny little crocus stems

All within 12 inches of where I sat. I stayed out there for a few minutes, snuggling my kitties. When I returned back into the house, I was greeted by a very quietly alert baby.

Heaven.

They said this section of the GRE wouldn't be directly applicable

But they were wrong.

For my GRE, there was an analytical section that was my best section of the test. You'd get fun story problems to solve, little riddles. Kevin had the same on his LSATs. I actually always loved this stuff. So who knew this would ever come in handy and apply to my life at the point where I'm most overwhelmed, tired, and not up for it? Here's the problem:

Patient Z is a first-time mom who was discharged from the hospital this week. Each new mom is prescribed a number of standard medications, but Patient Z has a couple of additional conditions requiring more medications than usual (anemia and mastitis). Help her figure out a schedule for her medications, food, and best sleeping time slots.

• Med A: Take 3 times a day with food and water every 8 hours.
• Med B: Take 2 times a day, morning and night.
• Med C: Take once a day at a meal.
• Med D: Take 2 times a day 2 hours after and 1 hour before any dairy, eggs, or whole grains are consumed, and at least 30 minutes before laying down or sleeping, and should be taken several hours before or after Med C, which contains some of Med D in smaller quantities.
Take 2 doses as far apart from each other as possible.
• Med E: Take 4-6 times a day as needed at least 4 hours apart (and take evenly spaced from each other), best with food and water (Patient Z decides to only take 3 times a day).
• Med F: Take 4 times a day 2 hours after and 1 hour before any food and cannot be taken with Med D. Doses should be taken evenly spaced from each other.

Patient Z is also recommended to try to sleep as much as she can during both the day and the night and take her medications during the 16-hour daytime block as opposed to the full 24-hour period. She is also told to eat every 2 hours if possible, day and night, and she prefers to eat whole grains and dairy whenever she can, particularly at breakfast.

After one night of me breaking down with how overwhelming my medication schedule was, Kevin took this to task using his new Excel skills from his MPA classes and he's figured it out to our satisfaction. Can you? I'm off to sleep some more.

Four days old, How do you like the world so far?

Sweet Little Baby, four days old

How do you like the world so far?

Sweet Little Baby, four days old

What a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky boy you are

Not every baby is lucky enough to have one of the Tabernacle Choir's former stars come and sing him his happy four-day-old song, but this is one lucky boy!

Welcome, Baby Asher. I am overcome with joy to be your mom.

And a note to my friend Jen - don't worry, I won't overdo the song for him (playing it at every birthday until he's 30, and so on). :)

New Arrival

Now I can say I know what euphoria feels like.

Gravity

The more massive a planet is, the more it creates an attraction with other objects.

So I wonder when our planet started getting so much more massive, pulling me in. I can definitely feel more of an attraction. Going down stairs, my belly leads the way. My back sways to compensate. Maybe if I just lay down, so flat and close to the earth, it will all feel better...

(Hey, watch what you say people. I may be 39 weeks, but I surge with crazy momma bear hormones.)

Boarded the train there's no getting off

I'm a riddle in nine syllables,
An elephant, a ponderous house,
A melon strolling on two tendrils.
O red fruit, ivory, fine timbers!
This loaf's big with its yeasty rising.
Money's new-minted in this fat purse.
I'm a means, a stage, a cow in calf.
I've eaten a bag of green apples,
Boarded the train there's no getting off.
- Sylvia Plath

There tends to be quite a bit of discussion on whether or not Plath was happy about pregnancy when she wrote this poem. There's all kinds of analysis available (that bag of green apples means she's suffering from Eve's curse, etc. etc.) I don't think it has to show either happiness or misery or be looked into too much beyond the fabulous metaphors - at this stage in pregnancy, it is what it is.

Eight Years

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband!