Last weekend, Kevin and I made our traditional trip to the Utah Shakespearean Festival in Cedar City. This is the largest, longest-standing tradition in our marriage, and when I was back to work, I felt a sense of loss that the trip had been completed. With a baby due before then, I'm not sure if seeing plays next year will be feasible (and there's a great line up of plays too).
This trip is more meaningful than just seeing plays. It's about visiting a city that's familiar to Kevin, and has become familiar to me too. It's honoring the grave of someone close to both of us. And it's about completing our yearly ritual of visiting a group of bristlecone pine trees to privately inventory our hopes and wishes, and draw on the strength of these old-soul trees to carry our wishes through tough times. This got me thinking about rituals we do as individuals, couples, friends, and families.
A ritual differs from a tradition in that it contains some level of ceremony, even if it's a small amount. A ritual is an action that is somewhat meaningless in itself, but given the ceremony, this common action takes on special meaning that, when coupled with our own willingness, has the ability to change us and our perception of reality. The magic in ritual comes only from our willingness to let it work changes in us. Otherwise, it's merely an empty act.
I know many of you have religious rituals. Temple attendance, baptisms, weddings, the sacrament/Eucharist, fasting/Lent. These are often initiated by institutions, depending on what religion you subscribe to. What I'm curious about are other rituals you perform outside of those prescribed by your religion. Ones that were invented by you, your family, your friends. The little intimate rituals that come from our humanity, our practice as believing beings, as social beings, as people who like to attach meaning to our actions and visibly show what we feel inside.
For instance, have you ever let a balloon go up into the sky, watching it lift away a burden or care that had been weighing you down? Have you ever lit a candle when a loved one was struggling? Worn a ring or bracelet as a reminder of a promise you made, or your dedication to a cause? Grown a rose bush in someone's memory? Made a yearly pilgrimage to a cemetery? Said a poem that connects you to an experience or individual? Retreated privately into a special spot in the wilderness to pray? Are there ritual words you exchange with the one you love that signify a renewal of your love, be it once a day, a year, or every 10 years?
7 comments:
It's not so much a ritual, but every night we have the same bedtime routine for Theo and it has become so comforting. I know that at the end of every day, no matter how hard it was, we will end up as a family in his room reading him a story and saying a prayer before putting him to bed. Babies need routine for comfort, but it is nice for moms too!
You have left me deep in thought. I can't say that I have many rituals. Maybe its because so many have ended or changed with the time. Maybe it's time I start a new one!
That was a good, thought-provoking post. I'm pondering the difference between traditions and rituals and they blur together a bit for me.
For example, it has become a tradition for us to go to Arches National Park in April. This tradition is not only a very fun trip, but in a real way it mentally shifts me from winter to spring, and brings a sense of elation with it. Does that mental shift constitute the ceremonial component necessary to call this a ritual rather than only a tradition?
If so, then our yearly trip to Newport Beach is the equivalent ritual at the end of summer (mid-August). When we return home from the trip, I mentally let summer go and it seems like fall is officially on.
Both trips form very real mental demarkation points for happy transitions betwen the seasons. In that sense, they feel fairly ritualistic.
You can read about many of the ritualistic traditions we have at the beach on my blog post about it: http://mywiferules.blogspot.com/2009/08/wife-rule-114-get-out.html. Is a regular tradition with strong enough emotional ties to elicit an attempt at poetry automatically bumped up to the status of ritual?
Stina - I love that it's a soothing ritual for you. While I know kids don't compare to cats, Kevin and I have tuck-in routines with the cats, which they rely on and which help me start my morning or get ready for bed. That nururing, soothing element is good for the giver and receiver.
Jamie - I am also always adding, deleting, or modifying rituals as I need to as well. I'm surprised there's not a big U of U football ritual at the Dowdle place. :)
LuckyMatt - I totally get the seasonal trip thing, and for my loose definition of rituals, that definitely counts. I also loved reading your daily poems on your blog.
Thanks for this wonderful post, as usual.
I love the way you write and the things you choose to write about.
I'm not sure I have rituals in the way you describe. The closest thing I can think of is that Mark and I now have a song (after 9 years of marriage!) that is meaningful for both of us.
My question for you, as I was reading your post, is how much is ritual like superstition? Is kissing my lucky rabbit's foot a ritual or just superstitious?
Lastly, I do like the idea of adding more rituals. In fact, I have a book called I Love You Rituals which explains how to develop loving rituals with our children to increase our bond with them. It's a great book, but I haven't picked it up in a while. Now I will :)
Thanks.
Jess, great comment. I've been thinking about your question about superstition, and I guess it kind of depends on the power you give a ritual. For me, they're not so literally magical as they are an outward manifestation of some change or idea I'm committing to internally. So the ritual is the reminder of the event, the marker in time, but not the true experience.
Not sure if that makes sense. How does it sound?
in cedar breaks there are some bristlcone pine they make us realize that we are Gods creation
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